Guest blog by Vicki Cregan from "Mumbun Mondays" www.mumbunmondays.com
The day I was told that I would have to give birth via caesarean, I was devastated. This was not part of my plan, well I didn’t have a plan, but you know what I mean?
I wanted to give birth “naturally” I had watched One Born Every Minute, cried every time the baby came out and was put on its mums chest; what a beautiful ending to all that hard work. I still watched the caesarean births but with much less attentiveness. I imagined the day that they would put my baby on my chest like that.
My pregnancy went along like any normal pregnancy, with one differing factor. My baby was completely, directionally challenged. Yep, she was of the 3% that was breech at full term. She was not moving, she didn’t move, she had her favourite spot right under my ribs, the fact that she didn’t have a rib-dent on her forehead when she was born was surprising to me!!
Whilst I know that you can give birth virginally with a breech baby, I was also made aware of the risks and possible outcomes.
I couldn’t believe that I was going to miss out on having a natural birth! I was pretty devastated, I cried, and I grieved the loss of what I thought was my right as a woman. I was so clouded by this natural birth ideal that I failed to see the amazing, positive impact that my caesarean birth would have on me, and how ultimately proud I would be of myself.
One thing that I was totally terrified of was epidurals. The thought of them sticking a needle into my spine made me a little sick every time that I thought of it.
As my date approached, I have to say that knowing the date I was going to give birth was like the shiniest light at the end of a whale sized tunnel, I was so ready to give birth!
The day before the caesarean, my husband called me from work to tell me how anxious he was, he never gets anxious, that sits firmly on my side of the fence, so I was a little surprised by his sudden realisation that everything was happening tomorrow and I was also extremely surprised at my reaction to him, I was calm, I was in control and I had accepted my delivery style!
My birth experience was so positive. I was originally booked in for 5:20pm, but thankfully they brought it forward to 2:30pm; much less time to get anxious! The morning was spent having a coffee date (clear fluids for me!). It was so relaxed! We went to the hospital and were shown to our room and waited to be prepped and meet our baby.
I am not really sure what happens to a woman when she gives birth, there is something that switches on inside her, something that takes control and makes her able to do amazing things. Like I said, I was terrified of epidurals, an elective caesarean meant I was having a spinal. That thing that switches on in women, it happened, I was anxious, but I owned it, I was able to make it through something that truly terrified me.
The feeling of being numb is a weird one, but I felt nothing – no tugging or pulling, it was so surreal. I cant really remember my baby being held over the sheet, but what I do remember vividly is my husband saying “did you hear babe, your got your girl” with the most loving and awed smile on his face. At my request, she was placed on me for skin to skin after she was checked and okayed. It was surreal. She was a little gooey mess, but she was mine.
I had some complications with my recovery in hospital, and I was still a little disappointed that I didn’t have a natural birth. One this that was so truly beautiful, was the time my husband spent with our new baby whilst I was in recovery, the nurses set him up for skin on skin, and he was able to bond with her without me there, without me overshadowing his time.
One day, about 6 months after my baby was born, I was watching One Born Every Minute, and there was a breech birth on it. I watched every minute of the scenes, taking it all in, absorbing it and remembering moments that I was sad I thought I couldn’t remember. It was mesmerising. And it hit me. I was so so proud of myself and I loved my birth. I faced my fears and I owned it. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I was that mother roaring through her birth, just in a different way. It was beautiful, it was a birth and it made me stronger and more fearless and I am, strangely so thankful that I got to experience the birth of my little directionally challenged baby in this way, and I am so thankful that she is healthy and happy.
Behind the blog...
‘The Mummysomniac’ is a lifestyle, motherhood and most recently, pregnancy blog, founded in 2015 by Kirsty McKenzie. She’s a mum of three, blogging about the highs and lows of motherhood, with a straight forward and honest approach, as well as a little bit of humour. Kirsty is passionate about sharing the realities of #MumLife, not the cookie cutter, high gloss version