Guest blog by Amy Watts from 'Pregnancy and Motherhood Diaries' pregnancyandmotherhooddiaries.wordpress.com
Looking back, 14 weeks post partum, I can finally see the beauty in what I did. At the time I was a wreck. I blamed the c section for EVERYTHING! To be honest I don’t think it was entirely to blame…
At our 20 week morphology scan we were told Kai was measuring ahead. When I went to my hospital appointment after this all the Dr said was ‘We could be looking at a caesarean. Have another scan at 30 weeks. ’ and walked out. I had another scan at 30 weeks and again at 36. They told me he was measuring 4 weeks ahead at both scans, the technician actually asked me if we had our dates right. 🤔 ‘Hmm yeah pretty sure’. That’s one of the beauties of PCOS and tracking everything.
People would always ask me how I was going to give birth. From 20 weeks my answer stayed the same. ‘I’m not sure! But he has to come out one way or another’. Everyone had an opinion. A lot of people said just go straight for a caesarean. They had one or their wife or sister or cousins best friends auntie.
I told myself I was ok with either. As long as he was safe and healthy. And I believed that. Right up until 38+4 at an antenatal appointment. A decision was finally made.
I was induced at 38+5 due to early signs of pre eclampsia and macrosomia thanks to PCOS. I was told by doing this I wouldn’t need a caesarean. Ha!
Not to bore you with details but the induction process was started Wednesday 12th July at 4pm. Kai was born Friday 14th July at 7:34pm via an emergency caesarean.
I remember saying to my husband that night that I wish we just opted straight away for a caesarean. I was angry and I was sad (not to mention totally drugged up and tired from a day of labour and surgery). After everything we did to avoid a caesarean it still ended with one.
I spent the first week crying. I blamed it all on the c section. How it wasn’t what I wanted. But looking back this is actually what I was upset about:
1. It took an hour before I was able to hold and meet Kai.
2. I was hurting. Which meant I was drugged up at all times.
3. My parents and younger sister live an hour outside of Sydney.
4. First time mum! Hello! The hospital just let us walk out with this tiny new human.
5. Baby blues. The day we were let out of hospital was day 3.
6. A week without my anxiety meds. Stopping medication cold turkey is not advisable.
7. Being dependent on other people. Quillan wouldn’t even let me shower with the door closed. He watched me like a hawk for the first 2 weeks.
8. Being dependent meant I couldn’t clean. Pregnancy made me a little OCD when it comes to cleaning. Something that has stuck postpartum. 🙃
14 weeks later and I’m not angry. If anything I’m now grateful. Having to recover from surgery meant I had to slow down. It meant I could enjoy my time and focus everything on myself and Kai. On our little family and our bond.
I’m a little sad that I have to make sure I say ‘emergency’ c section when telling my birth story. People automatically assume you elected to have major abdominal surgery for some selfish vain reason. So much judgement!
But I would do it all again in a heart beat.
Recovering from major surgery and looking after a new born is no easy thing. Hell my pregnancy was plagued with HG so I don’t know why I thought I could have an easy labour and post partum experience. 🙄
But in the end I have Kai and he is simply the best thing that Quillan and I have ever done.
A caesarean is not the easy way out, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It may not be what you had planned or hoped for but it’s still beautiful. Even that potentially messy looking scar you now get to keep. (It does heal and your insides won’t fall out when you walk).
Without a caesarean I wouldn’t have Kai. It’s that simple.
I’d choose his life every time, no hesitation.
Behind the blog...
‘The Mummysomniac’ is a lifestyle, motherhood and most recently, pregnancy blog, founded in 2015 by Kirsty McKenzie. She’s a mum of three, blogging about the highs and lows of motherhood, with a straight forward and honest approach, as well as a little bit of humour. Kirsty is passionate about sharing the realities of #MumLife, not the cookie cutter, high gloss version