Guest blog originally appeared on "Life With My Little Duck" Blog.
So much of your childhood shapes who you become as an adult, both the good and the bad. I suppose that goes without saying, but I bet if you stop and really have a think about it, you can almost pinpoint why you display certain characteristics from time to time.
Much of my childhood revolved around communication. My family is well known for having the ability to carry a conversation. I think the phrase 'Can talk under water with a mouth full of marbles' comes to mind. We're storytellers. I can almost tell my dad's stories about his own childhood word for word, I've heard them that many times. It didn't matter. I loved hearing them. The stories of the past were so fascinating to me, imagining my dad as a child, or hearing my grandmother tell stories of her father, apparently the man could sell ice to Eskimos, and my grandfather telling jokes, or reciting poetry. It's easy to see where my love of language comes from. I love writing, concocting tales, or spinning my every thought and feeling into words on my blog.
I can also quite easily relate my fire and inability to hold my tongue, to this side of the family as well. A fire of sorts has been nurtured here. A fire for thought, freedom of speech, where a healthy debate was encouraged, and freedom of opinion. A fire that was repeatedly smothered by some, but continually raised back up again by others. I guess I'm lucky that the positive and constructive elements of this kind of trait had become engrained so deeply in me, that any attempts to squash them were met with teenage rebellion and hormonal angst (a WHOLE different topic).
The same can also be said for the darker times of your childhood, and unfortunately, my childhood has far too many of these times than I care to remember. I can look back at moments in my childhood with the clarity as if it had only just happened, and see quite clearly how these moments have shaped me. My inability to trust, my distaste for fickle behaviour, and my constant self doubt. It's funny how some moments are just that, yet others stay with you for the rest of your life. These moments can often feel akin to a dark cloud, always looming over you, waiting to release a downpour. It can seem like the light at the end of the tunnel is always being overshadowed by these dark clouds, and that yearning for the clouds to clear can seem futile. These dark clouds never really go away, however, with time they can seem further and further away from where you are.
For me, the realisation that I have come to, particularly since having my own children, is not to repeat the cycle. I have to figure out a way to turn these darker experiences of my childhood, into valuable tools for my journey as a parent. Sometimes I look at how I interact with my children, and rather than think about how I want to be with my children, I can clearly see how I don't want to be... and for me that's key. The happiness, communication, and laughter come naturally. I'm confident that these same values will be passed onto my children, which were passed onto me, BUT it's a daily exercise for me to restrain those negative traits that have been instilled.
I suppose that's how I've learned to (try and) heal myself over the years. To try and see the silver lining. Something that is far easier said than done, but having some years between the then, and the now definitely helps. They say that hindsight is a wonderful thing... and it truly is. IF it's used in the right way. I try to use my negative experiences of the past as a way to change my future. It doesn’t always work, and often times it takes what seems like an eternity to grasp this way of thinking. It's all a learning experience. I'm a work in progress, and I'm sure it'll be a conscious effort for the rest of my days too.
Behind the blog...
‘The Mummysomniac’ is a lifestyle, motherhood and most recently, pregnancy blog, founded in 2015 by Kirsty McKenzie. She’s a mum of three, blogging about the highs and lows of motherhood, with a straight forward and honest approach, as well as a little bit of humour. Kirsty is passionate about sharing the realities of #MumLife, not the cookie cutter, high gloss version