Well, here we are again... Time, as always, has flown by at a rapid pace and the pages of our calendars have continued to turn, and suddenly we find ourselves staring at the last few days of the year again. In a few short hours, we will all be closing the covers of our 2015 year book, and opening up a brand spanking new one, with fresh, blank pages, ready for us to fill them up with our ongoing story. We will each remember the year that's passed in our own unique way, with our very own set of images, memories, sights, feelings, smells and sounds... Each adding to the rich patchwork quilt that is our lives.
My 2015 will be remembered as a deep and complicated year, much of it filled with my own personal darkness. Not to say that I will remember it in a negative way, rather, it will be remembered as a year where I have managed to pick myself up, and dust myself off in an almost continuous cycle. It will be remembered as a time in my life where (as corny as it sounds) I have learned more about myself and those around me, than all of the other years of my life combined. I have learned the value of honesty, not only in my personal relationships with others, but more so with myself. I have learned the value of the close personal relationships that I have with others. I have learned that relationships are what you make of them, that family does not always consist of your 'blood', and I know now more than ever that quality, is far more important that quantity. I have learned that I am far more capable than I ever imagined I was, that I have so much more love to give than I thought possible, and that I am loved too.
Yet, the most important lesson I have learned is that I need to find my happiness here, and now.
I have spent so much of my year just waiting, treading water, trying to keep my head above it, constantly trying catching my breath. I've found myself over and over again, hoping and praying for the next milestone to come around, because it will get easier, happier, less complicated. Well, let me tell you... It's bullshit, it won't. I have every single resource that I will ever need to be happy, right here, and right now.
Just a few weeks prior to the start of 2015, we welcomed our second baby girl... and welcoming a new little person into the family is a big deal, and motherhood has a tendency to be all consuming. Before we know it, we're putting ourselves aside and giving our all to those tiny, precious souls in our care. Daily life becomes about getting from start to finish with everyone alive and well, and mummy time comes later (if at all). For us personally, the management of life with two little people, without the added benefit of external help (our support system is extremely limited, and our hands on help is nil) means the ability for time out is virtually non-existent. After only a few short months as a family of four, we were off on another cross country move... to put things into perspective, Abbie has officially been a resident of 3 separate states in this country, all before the age of 2. We seem to move a lot. This kind of unsettled lifestyle can be extremely isolating, but it's the life we chose... it pays the bills and brings home the bacon, so we go with it. The added pressures associated with this have been extremely taxing on just about every aspect of our lives, especially our health and our relationships. Now though, as we are finally able to take a small breath and look back at the year that has passed, we can see how much we've managed to accomplish amidst it all.
It's usually around this time, after some deep and fuzzy (probably because of the wine) introspection, that people come up with their list of "New Year's Resolutions". Many of us want to be healthier, fitter, thinner, we want to finish off all of those unfinished jobs that we had started throughout the year, the possibilities are endless. For me, it's simple. The only thing I want for my 2016 is to stop looking beyond what I have, to stop looking forward to, or waiting for a time where I feel like I can finally breathe and be happy... because my every happiness is right here in my arms. It is whatever I make of it.
So happy new year all, sending you love and hugs from everyone here at Casa de Somniac... May each and every one of you find your every happiness too...
Behind the blog...
‘The Mummysomniac’ is a lifestyle, motherhood and most recently, pregnancy blog, founded in 2015 by Kirsty McKenzie. She’s a mum of three, blogging about the highs and lows of motherhood, with a straight forward and honest approach, as well as a little bit of humour. Kirsty is passionate about sharing the realities of #MumLife, not the cookie cutter, high gloss version