"You don't need to compromise
your kind heart,
to develop a thick skin.
Both will serve you in equal measure"
I grew up in a world where I was constantly made to question myself. I was undermined, and manipulated at every turn, which doesn't allow for someone to grow up feeling confident in themselves, or valued as a person. So, maybe the choice to start up a blog and put myself out there in such a way, was a strange one. Or just maybe, it's years of built up 'Kirsty' in there, just bursting to get out..
Over my 31 years of life, I've had many ups and downs, one thing that I'm grateful for is the fact that somehow I've always managed to turn that negativity around, and work towards seeing it in a positive light. In some instances, it's taken me YEARS to come to these realisations, others didn't take as much time. These days, with the benefit of hindsight, age, and (a little bit of) maturity, I find that I take a lot less time to figure it all out in my head. Not to say that it hurts any less, or that I'm not still a little broken on the inside, but I find that I can pick myself up from the hurt, and file it away in the "LEARN FROM THESE MISTAKES" folder of my mind for later reference.
The one thing that still gets me though, is when someone makes me question my own integrity. I have been called many names before, horrible ones, but now, that just makes me pity the person doing the name calling. Often times they have nothing more substantial to throw at you other than a few choice words. Every so often though, when I've let my guard down, someone sneaks in, and finds that tiny chink in my armour. They make me stop, and question myself... The way we view the world is relative to our own circumstances. Our own personal history has a lot to answer for when it comes to our outlook. So more often than not, in the case of someone trying to tear you down, it's not your actions that are making them question you, it's their own. If your intentions are pure, sincere, and true, then there's no need to question yourself.
Whether it be your choices as a mum, friend, wife or the decision to wear the same shirt several days in a row...
Live it, breathe it, own it.
Originally posted on "Kaotic Mumma" Blog.
I can be a bit of a contradiction at times. I tend to stick to what I know, but I’m also an insatiable dreamer, which often finds me making random spontaneous decisions… particularly when it comes to travel. So needless to say when the opportunity came up to travel overseas, with none other than my bestest bestie in the whole wide world, I grabbed that sucker with both hands (the opportunity, not my bestie…).
Let’s be real here. Most of us have those moments where we want nothing more than to run away from what can seem like Groundhog Day. Run away from the kids, the housework, the job, and the hubby! These moments may only be fleeting, they may occur multiple times a day, or on THOSE days where the entirety of your brain activity consists of Bali vacay planning or Fijian getaway dreaming. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have daily fantasies of being stuck on a deserted island with a crate full of wine, and Channing Tatum (for entertainment purposes only of course… You know, the DANCING, c’mon people!) In a pair of boxers (cause the leather g-banger just doesn’t do it for me). Unfortunately for most of us Channing Tatum is happily married elsewhere, AND we live in the real world, where we have gorgeous little families, jobs to attend, and households to run. Then sometimes, the universe smiles down on you, and an opportunity comes up that you just can’t refuse.
The way I really saw the opportunity was; taking off with the bestie was actually less, escaping the daily grind, and more taking an opportunity that I knew I would regret if I didn’t. It just so happened to kill two birds with one stone. I love my little family with all of my being, BUT I’m still deep down, under the mum bun, and the active wear, Kirsty. I’m somewhat still the same person that I used to be. The person that loves exploring the world, has a love/hate relationship with being out of her comfort zone… the Kirsty that flies by the seat of her pants, and DOESN’T have to plan each outing to the enth degree, because god forbid you find yourself out without a spare nappy (it almost always ends in a poo explosion). I knew I would miss them terribly, but what’s life if you’re not living?
There were many people that I told about my trip prior to heading off, and mostly I was met with disbelief. I hade questions like,
“Who’s looking after the kids?”
“Nathan’s letting you go?”
“Aren’t you worried about travelling so far away?”
Honestly, I was absolutely terrified, but we discussed the implications of me going away at length, much to my delight (and terror), it was given the green light. I guess I’m pretty lucky to be married to Nath, for a number of reasons. Mostly though, because after all these years he’s learned at least one thing about me, which is; I don’t like to be tied down for too long. I get bored easily, and I’m constantly looking for some kind of stimulation (aside from the caffeinated variety). I’m lucky to have that, and the fact that Nath actually rocks at being a dad. On a scale of 1-10, he’s hit an 11, and I’m still somewhere around the 5 mark… mostly because I figure, I’ve kept at least one of my kids alive for over 3 years, that’s something right? Seriously though, I genuinely had zero concerns about leaving him for a week of solo parenting, and he absolutely aced it.
I’m not gonna lie, our trip was amazing. We enjoyed happy hour, eating whenever we felt like it, we slept all night… even if our stupid mum body clocks woke us up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning. We savoured it. There were days though, that because of the time difference, and lack of internet connection at the worst possible time, we didn’t get to speak to, or see our girls… and by god did that hurt. I never realised just how much I love seeing their squishy little faces. I’m sure there are some people out there who have absolute clarity when it comes to how they feel about #MumLife, and how much it means to them, but often for me, I can’t see the forest for the trees… I’m in it 24/7, and it’s not until I’m away that I truly understand what it all means to me.
By the time I arrived back home, I was holding back the tears. I was so eager to touch and hold my loves that I literally burst with happiness when I saw them. As much as I loved every minute of the adventure we had, it’s not something that I’ll be doing very often. I knew that too, going into it all. These opportunities don’t come up that much in life, and who knows what the future will bring to me and mine. I’m incredibly grateful for everything I’ve been able to do, but right now, I’m even more grateful to be sitting on the couch with my babes watching Cinderella for the 465,000th time. I’ve gained the perspective that I think I was looking for, I hope there will be other adventures in my future, but for the moment, it’s back to the daily grind, the usual #MumLife stuff, and for once, I don’t actually want to be anywhere else.
Behind the blog...
‘The Mummysomniac’ is a lifestyle, motherhood and most recently, pregnancy blog, founded in 2015 by Kirsty McKenzie. She’s a mum of three, blogging about the highs and lows of motherhood, with a straight forward and honest approach, as well as a little bit of humour. Kirsty is passionate about sharing the realities of #MumLife, not the cookie cutter, high gloss version