What To Expect When You're Up The Duff... A la Kirsty...

Did anyone else get the 'What to Expect When you're Expecting' App during their first pregnancy? Cause for me, it was 2012, and books were so passe... it was all about the app. I read it religiously. Each and every week, I looked at what was going on inside this little body of mine, wondering what my little bean was doing in there. I can now confidently cross 'sleeping' off the list, cause let's face it, we all know she STILL doesn't do that well.

The thing was, my pregnancy didn't really turn out ANYTHING like that at all. I'm still waiting for my 'glow' and my heightened sex drive to turn up. Instead I got a whole bunch of other things that the app creators were conveniently too polite to mention. I had to find out the hard way, on my own, or risk looking like a fool in front of some close trusted friend or relative. So, now that I'm four years on from those times, (almost) three whole pregnancies down, I thought I'd present to you the ACTUAL 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'... Kirsty edition. You're welcome.

I would also advise you to turn away now if you're any of the following;

a) Become queasy easily.
b) Like to live in a fantasy land full of daisies and rainbows.
c) Do not like reference to genitalia.
d) Are easily grossed out by the mention of bodily fluid.
e) A prude.
f) Do not have a sense of humour.
g) Do not get sarcasm.
h) My Father... you probs just don't wanna read this dad. Soz.

If you've made it this far, sit back, relax (as much as you can while reading something that I've written), have a giggle if you've 'been there, done that', and if you're going through this for the first time... I'm sorry (not sorry) you had to find out this way. 

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